I know I said I wanted to make this blog an "all-for-math" blog, but I think I'll use it to rant as well.

Lately I've been seeing a lot of change in the world around me, mostly for the worse. Let's start with university. I went to university for 6 years to get my Bachelor of Arts and Bachelor of Education in math just so I could be a certified teacher in my hometown Vancouver. It set me back over $30,000+. Coming from a lower class immigrant family, going to school isn't just about becoming more educated. Although my family and I expected that tuition would come to this much, it was still a lot of money, since they paid for a significant part of it. We all anticipated a job waiting at the end of the tunnel after all that effort and money have been invested. Little did I know what was to come.

I got into teachers' college a couple years ago, and they told us early on that teaching isn't where the money's at. Fair enough. I'm not a greedy person. I thought $43,000 to start and going up from there was a good enough bargain. After all, my mom and dad were labourers whom society classifies as the working poor. Any kind of professional title was welcomed and honoured. They also told us that math teachers get hired much faster than English or Social Studies teacher. I thought I was going to be a shoo-in since I'm a math teacher. I applied to numerous school districts in the Lower Mainland, expecting that I'd be able to get into at least one. Turns out I was left in the dust with no public school district to call my own. Rejection letter came one after another, September was rolling around, and no work. I got more and more anxious and took up the only offer at the time -- teaching abroad in China. I had a great experience as an ex-patriot, but Canada was my home, so I returned after only year. I thought with my first job under my belt and new references, I could get in to a school district much easier than the past year. I thought I had an edge over those new grads. The result was negative. Still nothing from school districts. No phone calls, and this time, not even a rejection letter. It was like they didn't even acknowledge me. I might as well have not applied at all.

So I got a job at a private school teaching Math and Social Studies. Thank God for it because it really pulled me through financially, and it made me learn so much about the workplace, kids, politics, and myself. And you know what they say: "What won't kill you will only make you stronger." I have to thank the Lord for bringing me through that experience in one piece. It was the first time I felt so minor and unbelonging, like I was a visitor in the school every single day, and I went in to work for roughly 8 months. During this school year, the recession hit. The school decided to not continue my contract as well as the contracts of a couple of other teachers for the next school year. It was a blessing so to speak. I applied to various school districts again to get a position for September. This time, I had two years of teaching experience under my belt. I was certain I had an edge on the new grads. Well, one can never be too sure after what I've been through, so I made the best out of my situation: I taught summer school in July to make another month's salary. Eventually July rolled away and August came around. September was inching closer and closer. Then I received a notice in the mail. It wasn't unfamiliar: I was rejected yet again by the school districts I applied for. Soon, September arrived, school started for every grade school student in the Lower Mainland, and I had no job. What could I do at this point?

I diligently went every Tuesday to the Vancouver School Board to apply for full-time, part-time and temporary positions. I was thinking that it would be very soon that I'll get placed because I applied for so many positions. I think to date I must have applied to twenty or so jobs at VSB. But week after week, I heard nothing back from anyone. The sun sets earlier and the wind gets colder by the day. Summer waved goodbye for the last time and Autumn took its place. If I weren't dejected enough by the fact that after 2 years of trying to get a job and still haven't found one, the weather mocks me by reminding me that hired teachers are warm indoors teaching their classes. There's nothing left to do at this point as I'm between jobs to tutor. I really have nothing else. September has come and gone. It is now October, and I'm still looking for a job. It's my third year as a teaching professional, and I have never imagined life to be this way. I have never thought that I would be one to not be able to find and hold down a job. Nobody seems to want me. While some of the people in my grad class have gotten positions at VSB and are now looking at advancing their careers by obtaining a Masters, I'm unemployed. What am I missing? To make life worse, I had to tutor a rude and patronizing 16 year old today who wanted to kick me out after only half an hour of tutoring. Being of teaching nature, I really wanted to help her out, so I tried really hard to teach her. It was a thankless job. After 65 minutes, she only wanted to pay me for half an hour because that was when she wanted me to leave, but I didn't. Apparently I don't deserve the full $38 because I had only helped her through 6 questions and I wasn't teaching her anything, merely mumbling to myself. Sometimes it doesn't pay to get up in the morning. You try so hard to help them, and all they could do is complain how you weren't the angel she expected to save her....I'm sorry I'm merely a mortal who made it all the way out to your house by car to help you with what you don't know. Next time, I'll do what it says in the Bible -- to not preach to those who will not listen.

After all I've said, I don't even know why sometimes I'm a teacher. It's one thing to be patronized by adults. It's another thing to be patronized by students. I really find it hard to believe what this world has come to. I try too hard to please and be kind to the other party, to help them out in their time of need, that I often don't realize that I'm being mistreated. I'm practically blinded by my determination to help them out. By the time I catch myself over-offering my benevolence, it's already too late. Hold the tears, for crying won't get you back the time and effort you've spent. Sad thing is I'll probably do it again on another occasion.

So here we are -- my life story so far. Money gone with the wind due to education, recession, no job as a 3rd year teacher. Tomorrow's Tuesday, you know what that means. Yep, off to the school board to apply for more jobs. You're asking me why I'm applying for jobs even though I'm annoyed of the whole realm of teaching? My answer is: You die if you do, you die if you don't.

When was the last time I blogged?

I started blogging with Xanga because a lot of people I knew were blogging with it. It was where my friends and I stayed in touch with one another, kind of like Facebook. Then a lot of them stopped using Xanga and I also fell away. I noticed that Blogspot seems to be the trend these days, and it's super convenient if you have a Google account. It's a little late right now, so I guess I won't go crazy blogging tonight; but I really want to create a blog where grade school students (and other enthusiasts) can come here and view and partake in.... *take a deep breath*.....math. Yes, the wonderful world of math. It would be great if people would find a freshness in math, just as they find a freshness in art. They are in fact very related. I have tried reading a few math-related leisure books to my Math 10 and Essentials Math classes. Some of them were quite thrilled that there was storytime at the beginning of a high school math class; others took advantage of storytime to take a nap. Either way, hats off to those who were so open-minded. I can't wait to develop this blog into something awesome. In the meantime, I have to go to sleep. Got to get a facial tomorrow.